Some thoughts from Mama

Hi everybody!! My post isn't going to have all of the cool pics and video like Phil's posts do but I wanted to share a little. Our son is absolutely amazing and I am so honored that God has chosen me to be his mother! He is a busy little boy who loves to crawl, pull up on furniture, play with toys and books, and EAT (you can tell by looking at him that he hasn't missed any meals)!! He is very easy to feed which is a huge answer to prayer because that is something that I was worried about. His favorite thing to eat are cheerios (Thanks L&D friends for the travel cups of cheerios)! He is a very sound sleeper which is great. He took a 2 1/2 hour nap yesterday afternoon then slept from 11pm until 7:30am with a bottle at 2am (I on the other hand woke up every 10 minutes to make sure that he was breathing and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I have to count his heartrate and respirations every so often... I guess I've been a baby nurse too long)! He fell asleep this morning at 10 am and is still sleeping (at 11:48am)!! I am definitely counting my blessings.

Yesterday was the most wonderful and horrible day of our lives. For those of you who have taken you child from the arms of the people who have loved him for his whole life, you understand completely. For those of you who haven't, there just isn't any way to adequately describe it. I read at one point in our waiting process that the miracle of adoption is born from loss and that is so true. I don't want to minimize our joy and excitement but that isn't all there is to the reality of adoption. I can't imagine the grief and loss that Zach birthmother experienced when she left the hospital without the son she had carried for 38 weeks and I can only hope and pray that she has found peace with her decision. I hope that one day our son will be able to meet the woman who chose to give him life and than chose to give him a life that she couldn't.

Yesterday, our little Ji-Hyeok arrived at Holt with his Halmoni and Omma. His foster mom's husband (Zach's Haraboji) also came a little later which was a huge honor. Koreans take work very seriously and that fact that Zach's Foster Father chose to take the afternoon off is a really big deal and definitely testifies to the fact that the whole family loves him so much. Everybody held it together until it was time for them to hand him to us. Zach had fallen asleep in this Omma's arms and they didn't want to wake him up. We had already exchanged gifts and received Zachary's legal documents and supplies. His Halmoni reached to hug us and this dear woman just dissolved into tears sobbing into Phil's shoulder. She has cared for Zachary since he was 6 days old. Under her care he has grown to greater than 50th percentile for weight, developed his motor skills to the point that he is ahead for his age and learned to love her family. The entire family has cared for Ji-Hyeok, from his 63 year old Haraboji to his 7 year old Nuna and I can't imagine how many tears they all cried last night as they went to bed without him. The love that would compel a family to take in, raise, and love an newborn for over 8 months with full knowledge of the pain that would come when it was time for him to go with his family is just unfathomable to me and I know that they will forever be a part of our family. Whether we ever adopt another Korean child or not, we know that we will come back to this amazing country and visit our son's foster family.

So after saying goodbye to Ji-Hyeok's foster family and Mrs Lee, the social worker, we climbed into a taxi headed for the hotel with our sleeping baby. Drivers in Seoul seem to feel like traffic lights are suggestions rather than rules so it was weird enough to be in a car without the baby in a carseat but we were definitely praying for protection as we sped through red lights with the horn honking! Zach didn't wake up until we got to the hotel and when he did he was absolutely terrified. If you have a baby or you can remember when you did have a baby, imagine how they would have reacted to going to sleep and waking up with strangers in a strange place. Our precious boy SCREAMED for about 1 1/2 hours and then fell asleep on me. As he slept for the next 2 1/2 hours he would sigh with a shudder from crying so hard for so long. When he woke up, he let me change him, feed him and then he was willing to play and smile for us. Going to be was about 30 min of screaming but not with quite the intensity of earlier. He went down for his morning nap today with just some fussing but is awake right now (it is now 1:10 PM... it definitely takes longer to write a post than before we had a baby!). Zach is anxiously attached to me right now so while he will play with Phil, he only wants me to feed and comfort him. We are so grateful that we had the opportunity to attend over 40 hours of education related to adoption and attachment so that we understand and can work together to support our son right now as he grieves the loss of the only family he has ever known and learns to trust us to meet his needs.

We are enjoying every second of learning to be parents! I think that we knew we would enjoy feeding him and playing with him but I didn't know how much fulfillment I would find in holding and singing to my son as he cries himself to sleep or hurrying to get my hair dried so that I could get back to loving on him. We are so grateful to have our sweet Ji-Hyeok-y for our son and I'm so glad to be able to share our joy with all of you.

We will be getting on a plane in about 18 hours to come home so keep us ( and the other passengers) in your prayers. We love you guys!!

M